remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
