saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize