I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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