Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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