you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
