I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
