Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
