I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
