Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize