I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Green mimosas i think yes
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
