I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
