I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize