Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
