I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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