Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
