is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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