Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
