my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
