In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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