those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
