GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
