Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
