I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
