Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
