I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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