We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
