Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
