U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have post one night stand depression
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
