So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
