She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
