what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
