in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You ruined the universe
Randomize
