Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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