I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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