Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Terrible idea I love it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
