I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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