I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
