Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
