Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
