I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
