Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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