That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My feet surprised me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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