I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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