she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
