Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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