I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
