Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
