I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
