apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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