i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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