I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
