Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize