filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize