remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
