They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
