It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
