At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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