you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
