So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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