Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
