Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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