I cockslap morals
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
