What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
