So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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