Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
