White coat. Heels.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
