i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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