I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
