Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
