We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Randomize