you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
