I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
