I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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