No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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