Im at strip club and am horny
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize