he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
