I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
