whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
