Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
