I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
