I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
