I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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