That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
