I got chris browned last night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
