You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
