I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
