I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
