im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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