I hate your face
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
