I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
